A Simple Set Of Rules For A Card Game As Played upon Beta Antares IV

There’s a game I’d like to teach you-
A real man’s game the captain said
It’s probably a bit beyond you
Unless you’ve got brains in your head
So I’ll try to speak real slow-ly
Just use words you understand
Simple words that you can pick up
So let’s sit down and deal a hand

Everybody starts with six cards,
Except the guy on the dealers right-
The second card is then dealt face up
But it’s face down if it is night
Cards in your pile can’t help you
Unless it’s Friday- then they’re good
On Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday
They’ll hurt not help you as they should

On Saturday and Tuesday they can both help and hurt.

Now as to scoring-

You can
Only get a Fizzbin with the cards which you have in your hand
All others can be made up with your cast off pile as well
A Corbomite is having nothing so it’s only worth 5 points
Three of a kind we call a Sralk –that’s 30 point’s unless it’s dark
When having it disqualifies your playing the next hand
Except Tuesday when it’s worthless
And you’ve made two Sralks already
Your opponent gets those thirty points
I hope you understand!

You can’t win with a Fizzbin or a Royal Fizzbin, it’s a pity
A half-Fizzbin, a pair will need a King and Deuce by day
At night you’ll need a queen and four to join up with your single pair
If you get those it’s worth fifteen, and though it seems a little mean
If you get just a pair you’re only gonna get 5 points.
A Fizzbin is two pair when all
The other cards suits are the same
But your opponent loses points
If you have got this hand

Chorus

Discard one card to any pile
Then Draw 1 card out from the deck
Pick one card from any pile
Discard one card to any pile
Draw one more card and call
And if you have One Hundred points
Congrats! You have the brains to win Fizzbin!



The odds of getting Royal Fizzbin are not likely in your lifetime
It can only happen if you’re on the dealer’s right
It takes a hand with seven cards to even have a chance at it
(It’s) made of three pairs, ten’s through Aces, and the last card’s a diff’rent suit
Still when you get a hundred points it really is a blast
2 pairs a Slink- make all lose 10
3 pairs a Stink lose 20 then
Unless it’s Friday cause that’s when
All other’s hands are dead

A Shrinks 4 pair- get 20 points unless on Friday after sunset
Then you get thirty points unless it’s Saturday and dark
Which doubles your opponent’s hands and then you’re out of luck my friend
Four of a kind’s a Slunk, and you, can choose one person to DQ
A Slunk-Shralk uses any cards in your hand and your pile
It will make you disqualified
But bring a buddy for the ride
You now have the right to decide
Who else will get the boot.

Chorus

Just-
Discard one card to any pile
Then Draw 1 card out from the deck
Pick one card from any pile
Discard one card to any pile
Draw one more card and call
And if you have One Hundred points
Congrats! You have the brains to win Fizzbin!


A pair with all your other cards in diff’rent suits is called a Dink
A Dink will give you ten points in the day or in the night
A Stonk has all cards in the same suit-(it) gives you 40 points
On Wednesday only or you lose, unless a Fizzbin you have played
Or Royal Fizzbin then you lose, another fifty points
On Thursdays Stronks lose 30 points
But you’ll get 20 when it’s light
And Stupistralks two sets of three
Don’t talk to me of Kronks

(Spoken)
There are 14 separate rules for stupistralks two sets of three of a kind, which are based upon the day of the weekIf it is dark or light, your ability to name at least ten Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, and if your name is Dave. On Saturday, anyone named Dave automatically wins, and if you play with anyone named Dave and do not recognize this rule you not only lose 98 points, Dave can also make up a rule instead of following any of the above ones.
Really intelligent people don’t play with anyone named Dave.
Or Dr. Lindyke…just in case
Chorus

Discard one card to any pile
Then Draw 1 card out from the deck
Pick one card from any pile
Discard one card to any pile
Draw one more card and call
And if you have One Hundred points
Congrats! You have the brains to win Fizzbin!
And if you don’t- I guess you lost the game again!
(gotcha!)